How Good Is ChatGPT at Giving Life Advice, Really?

Admitting to using AI usually elicits one of two reactions: an enthusiastic “Isn’t technology great???” or a more skeptical eye-roll from someone who dreads a future resembling the once-fictional Her.

I used to be more like the latter until last Wednesday night, when my loud neighbors decided to host a rowdy get-together at 1 a.m. What I needed was a text message script—a kinder, more socially acceptable way of saying “Can you STFU” without making our next elevator run-in super awkward. So I turned to ChatGPT as a desperate, last-ditch effort. Long story short? No more late-night noise—and we’re still on great terms.

While there’s been plenty of chatter about all the ways AI could ruin our lives (and don’t worry, we’ll get into that), this surprisingly useful moment made me wonder: Well, what else could ChatGPT be good for? Sure, I wouldn’t expect an algorithm to solve nuanced existential questions about whether to end a long-term relationship or how to finally “fix” my seasonal depression. But when it comes to uncomfortable everyday conversations, maybe, just maybe, it’s got some potential.

So being the ever-curious journalist, I decided to throw a few of my own relationship dilemmas at ChatGPT to see what kind of advice it could offer. Then to get a sense of how solid those suggestions were, I tapped real, very qualified human therapists to evaluate them. And finally, we rated the ChatGPT’s answers on a scale of 1 to 1src. Here’s where AI really showed promise in helping us navigate awkward, difficult scenarios with the right words—and where it fell short.

1. Telling a messy partner or roommate to be cleaner.

Question: How do I tell my partner I want them to be a little cleaner without nagging or micro-managing?

ChatGPT answer: Hey, can we talk about something real quick? I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed by the mess lately—it’s not a huge thing, but it’s been kind of wearing on me. I totally get that we both have different thresholds for clutter, and I’m not expecting perfection at all. But it would mean a lot to me if we could both be a bit more mindful about keeping things tidier. I think it’d make the space feel a lot nicer for both of us.

Therapist says: This response isn’t terrible, Ciara Bogdanovic, LMFT, owner and founder at Sagebrush Psychotherapy in Los Angeles, tells SELF. It does a good job of acknowledging the other person’s perspective. “But it wasn’t done in a way that I think was very effective,” Bogdanovic says. For instance, the request to “be more mindful” is way too vague. “It’s difficult to get a result when you’re not being explicit and clear,” she says, suggesting you spell it out for them instead. Straight-up ask your SO to fold and put away the laundry, or make it clear you’d appreciate the dishes being done within, say, 24 hours. The more direct you are, the more likely you’ll see the change you’re hoping for.

Score: 6.5/1src

2. Negotiating your rent in the most convincing and respectful way

Question: My landlord raised our rent, and I want to ask if there’s any way to lower it or at least keep it at the current price. What’s the best way to respond and ask for this?

ChatGPT answer: Hi [Landlord’s Name],

Thank you for the notice about the upcoming rent increase. I understand that costs are going up, but I wanted to reach out and see if there’s any flexibility in the new rate or a way to keep the rent at the current price.

I’ve really enjoyed living here and have tried to be a reliable and respectful tenant—always paying on time and taking good care of the property. If it’s possible to reconsider the increase or perhaps negotiate a smaller adjustment, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Please let me know if you’d be open to discussing options. I’d love to continue living here long-term if we can work something out. Thanks again for your time and understanding!

Therapist says: “I notice that ChatGPT seems to do the best in these middle ground interactions,” Ari Lakritz, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at OSF Healthcare in Alton, Illinois, tells SELF. “Those cordial relationships with people who aren’t really a close friend or family member.” ChatGPT’s answer here is respectful, assertive, and professional by our human therapists’ standards, but would be best received if you communicated it to your landlord over the phone or face-to-face. “People are generally more receptive and empathetic in person, slightly less so over the phone,” he adds. So maybe don’t copy and paste this into the body of an email.

Score: 9/1src

3. Reaching out to a distant friend you’ve lost touch with

Question: I want to check in with a friend I’ve lost touch with. It’s been years, so it’s definitely out of the blue. What can I say that’s natural and not awkward?

ChatGPT answer: Hey, I know it’s been a long time, but you crossed my mind recently and I just wanted to say hi. I’ve been wondering how you’re doing and would love to catch up sometime if you’re up for it—no pressure at all, just thought I’d reach out. Hope things have been good on your end 🙂

Therapist says: According to Dr. Lakritz, this is one of those moments where AI still doesn’t quite nail how people actually talk. “This sounds really generic,” he says. Instead, “I would start with a shared memory or joke to personalize the message.” Think a quick, “Saw our favorite happy hour spot and thought of you,” or opening with a go-to meme. And don’t stop there: “I’d want to see some follow-up or a clear next step,” he adds. “Are you coming to their town and want to meet up? Do you want to set up time for a phone call?” That personal, nostalgic touch + clarity=a much better shot at actually reconnecting.

Score: 4/1src

4. Voicing my feelings about being left out

Question: How do I tell a friend I wish they had invited me to their group hangout without inserting myself or seeming needy? Or is it best to not say anything?

ChatGPT answer: Whether or not to say something depends a bit on:

How close you are to the person.
Whether this was a one-time thing or part of a pattern.
How much it’s actually bothering you.

If it’s just lingering enough that you’d like to clear the air, here’s a way to frame it that’s low-pressure and self-aware: “Hey, I saw you all hung out the other night—it looked like fun! I’d love to come next time if there’s room. No pressure, just miss seeing everyone!”

Therapist says: The advice is pretty solid, according to Jordan Conrad, PhD, LCSW, founder and clinical director of Madison Park Psychotherapy in New York City. It avoids jumping straight into blame or confrontation. But where a real, qualified therapist would shine is in helping you dig deeper into those feelings of exclusion or FOMO before rushing into the quick fix.

“A therapist wouldn’t just gear you towards an answer or a nice way to communicate,” Dr. Conrad tells SELF. “They’d want you to explore what exactly is bothering you about being left out”—whether it’s about this particular group dynamic or your own insecurities. That way, you can gain clarity on what you truly need in the long run, like a stronger sense of belonging…or a reality check about this so-called “friendship.”

Score: 7/1src

5. Politely reminding someone who still hasn’t paid you back

Question: I feel uncomfortable asking someone to Venmo me for their part of the dinner, especially since it’s a friend’s friend (someone I’m not close with). How do I nudge them to pay me back without seeming pushy or making the money talk uncomfortable?

ChatGPT Answer: Hey! Just wanted to follow up real quick about dinner the other night—I covered your part, and it came out to [$XX]. No rush, but if you can Venmo me when you get a chance, I’d appreciate it!

Therapist says: One skill Bogdanovic teaches her patients—that AI doesn’t master here—is asking for what you need with confidence. “I teach directness, along with respect and kindness,” she says, which is why softening your requests with fluffy language (“when you get a chance,” or “no rush”) weakens your message. So quit dancing around the question and just say it: “Hey, can you please Venmo me back your portion of dinner? It’s [X dollars]. Thanks!” “There’s no need to feel guilty in this scenario,” Bogdanovic points out. “Someone owes you money. You ask, they pay you back. Keep it moving.”

Score: 3/1src

6. Asking to redo a service (like a manicure or haircut) without paying full price again

Question: How do I bring up to my nail tech that I actually hate the results and would like if she could redo them? I also want to imply that I’m happy to tip and will pay partially for adjustments, but I don’t want to pay for a whole separate manicure because I didn’t receive what I had asked for initially.

ChatGPT Answer: Hey, I really appreciate your time today, but I wanted to be honest—I’m not super happy with how my nails turned out. It’s not quite what I was hoping for based on what we discussed. Would you be open to adjusting them? I’d be happy to tip again and cover any additional product cost, but I’m hoping we can work something out without paying for a whole new set since it wasn’t what I asked for.

Therapist says: This response gets the green light from the human therapists we spoke with. (Well, assuming that the other person genuinely disregarded your instructions—not that you stayed silent during the appointment, only to secretly hate it or weren’t clear about your expectations from the start.) “This answer acknowledges the other person’s work respectfully and offers to meet halfway,” Dr. Lakritz says. “And that’s an excellent element of assertive communication.”

Score: 9.5/1src

7. Not vibing with your friend’s new relationship

Question: I don’t like my friend’s partner. The red flags aren’t totally glaring, but they seem super codependent, and his tone towards her is often very dismissive. I personally think she can do (and deserves) better. I would love to say something to her, but should I? Is their relationship my business, even if I don’t think he treats her that well?

ChatGPT Answer: If you do decide to say something:

Keep it gentle and centered on your concern for her, not your dislike for him.
Avoid coming off as judgmental or like you’re telling her what to do—that often backfires.

You could say something like, “Hey, can I ask you something? I’ve noticed a few things about how [partner’s name] talks to you sometimes, and it rubs me the wrong way. I just wanted to check in—are you feeling okay in the relationship?”

Therapist says: “One question you have to ask is, Are you willing to risk the friendship over this?” Dr. Conrad says. “If they’re being physically or emotionally abused, it is worth that risk. If their partner is a snob that sucks, that’s harder to bring up.”

In this situation, both Dr. Conrad and Bogdanovic recommend pointing to something specific you witnessed. Then, ask how your friend felt (versus explaining how you felt about it): “Hey, I noticed your partner brushed you off, and I wasn’t sure how that landed for you. Are you okay? Do they usually talk to you like that?” “It’s important to respect your friend’s perspective, rather than pushing your own agenda,” Bogdanovic points out. “Ironically, if you don’t, you’ll be dismissing them too.”

Score: 6/1src

8. Canceling plans at the last minute without upsetting your friend

Question: I need to cancel plans because I’m really not feeling it, but it’s so last-second that I know it’s kind of rude. What’s a natural way to flake without pissing them off too much? I don’t want to overexplain my situation either.

ChatGPT Answer: Hey, I’m really sorry to do this so last-minute, but I’m not feeling up for [the plans] tonight and I think I need to sit this one out. I totally understand if that’s frustrating—I was looking forward to seeing you and hate to cancel. Can we reschedule soon?

Therapist says: There’s this idea that if you just choose the right words, you can avoid upsetting your loved one. But that’s not very realistic, and it’s something AI overlooks. “ChatGPT makes a big error here by not acknowledging that you may make them mad,” Dr. Lakritz says. “There’s no getting around it.”

Rather than obsessing over the ideal phrasing of your apology, he recommends going with the honest truth, whether that sounds like “I had a really bad workday and just need to be alone,” or “I’m not feeling great and need to rest.” “Your friend would most likely appreciate honesty rather than a vague explanation couched in apologies,” he says.

Score: 4/1src

So…should AI be replacing our therapists?

It’s hard to deny AI’s potential. Online platforms like ChatGPT can offer instant, affordable support 24/7 (yep, even at 2 a.m. when everyone else is asleep and you’re up with a million random questions). “When we’re emotionally distressed, it can be difficult to think logically,” Bogdanovic says. “So ChatGPT can also help by giving us more neutral, logical language that grounds us.” (That said, if you’re having a mental health crisis and proper care isn’t accessible in person, it’s best to call the 988 Lifeline—you can read more about it here—and not ChatGPT.)

Now, whether AI could ever completely replace a human therapist is a different, thornier question—and convenience aside, there are tons of legit concerns to consider before relying on AI for any level of emotional support. For one, AI recommendations depend entirely on the info you feed it—meaning, a chatbot doesn’t know your extended relationship history, communication style, or the individual nuances that make your situation unique—all things a human therapist would pay attention to.

Dr. Lakritz points out that you can technically fine-tune and personalize your results by giving feedback (saying something like, “This is way too formal. Phrase this more conversationally”) or adding context (“No, this friend absolutely hates confrontation”). But even so, it can still miss the mark: According to the American Psychological Association, blindly following a chatbot’s generic advice could be dangerous, as you might get inappropriate or, worse, genuinely harmful guidance.

Another thing AI can’t replicate? Perhaps most importantly, the process of developing conflict resolution skills that comes with engaging with a therapist. “A lot of people think that therapy is about coming in, asking a few questions, and getting answers,” Dr. Conrad says. “But really, a good therapist is more interactive than that.” They’ll ask the right questions to break bad habits (learning how to assert your needs instead of pretending to be okay, for instance) or help you become more vulnerable—skills that take time and practice to master.

So sure, ChatGPT may be a convenient tool of the future that’s here to stay. (I will certainly be using it again to craft semi-polite complaints.) But no high-tech algorithm can replace the personal growth that comes from working through and making sense of our very human relationships—no matter how awkward, uncomfortable, and messy they may be.